Photo by HILLSPIRATION
Here’s a little something personal about the man God created in me. For those who “kinda” know me, either through my work, acquaintance of my wife or even online presence. Know that most people accept others solely by the character they display or the result of their actions. For the most part, this is the best we can do. The majority often assume, become judgmental or simply fall into speculation (I was like this once upon a time). This being it’s far more comfortable to view someone else’s life, through one’s own opinions, understandings and even moral values.
Simply put, when it comes to interpersonal communications, some people may not have developed the skill level to really listen, (mainly men from what I’ve been told) nor have they developed the patience to share empathy or even ask questions in honest regard; especially at the beginning of another’s relationship. People consisting of family and friends often for the purposes of (polite gossip), unmerited curiosities or just plain playing the devil’s advocate, try to fit in their own understanding or picture. Thus, choosing to fit the pieces of their own puzzled mind into their reality. So in this mindset and years later, I’d like to offer a bit more about who I am, what I claim my purposes to be and what makes me tick/think or react, in the manner of a leader by example. This gets a little personal being at one point in my life, it was considered to be embarrassing but such is life; if lived right.
My upbringing like many was not the greatest but was blessed beyond my years of youthful understanding. Moreover, I grew up hard, rigid and continuously hurt. In my teen years I became overly protective, closed off and blinded to the goodness in life. My early adult years were of anger and oppression but fortunately I found solitude, with a numbing-physical strength I came to fall in love with (called fighting). By this time in my life, my body was scarred with bullets and knife wounds, my hands and knuckles were callused, leathery and always clenched. My eyes only seen the darkness of the world, as I constantly prepared for the worse case scenario around every corner.
Tangible goals held too closely only to crumble upon my feet, was just another day of expectance. I was always preparing for the next fight or like thereof, as the study of ninjutsu was my (or so I thought) Innate passion. I recall enduring hundreds of fist pushups on concrete and broken glass, shin kicking trees and mastering weapons of battle, just because it was feasible to my outlook on life. I endured this act of insecurity and pain, until I became content with a lifestyle of misery and turmoil. After a while of this form of lustful denial, I started to enjoyed the sensation of pain whether mental or physical. What could I say, being it was the only sensation my body could feel. Rigid in the bliss of my ignorance, I felt I could no longer be hurt, challenged or even caught off guard, so pridefully I journeyed out into the world. Soon afterwards, I did something unlike the warrior I cherished within. I took an unlikely turn at the flip of her hair, seemingly flowing “in slow motion,” landing just right in the glimmer of light over her shoulder. At the time I didn’t know what I was thinking! I knew it wasn’t lust but more so of the spirit.
In short, I met my future wife Kelly! Completely opposite of what I’d thought a woman to be, she was strangely different. She was quirky, unimaginably lively and for some reason always glowing with smile. Nothing about her attracted me or so I thought, until her light entered the darkness of my dreams and corrupted understandings. Now I was officially confused! Simultaneously the spirit that dwelt in me since childhood, started to speak louder and with more clarity, almost yelling within the thought process I’ve grown to adored. “She is for you!” Over and over again “she is for you!” I tried to fight this thing but her exuberant personality taunted my ego to no end! How could she see past my roughed, perfectly perfected “stand-offish” ways! Her smile was almost as if I was missing out on something completely meant for my purpose.
On many occasions I tried to break this connection because I knew that in kelly’s world the rain didn’t exist but in my world, I welcomed the brute of the storm, hands raised high boldly playing in the drench of the cold, daring to be struck by lightning. Why didn’t she let me be? Why did the Holy Spirit wake me from the comfort of my nightmarish ways? At the time I didn’t know but as I stand today, I fully understand that I was created not to be of the storm but to survive it, if and when it comes to pass.
Now growing within the created purpose of my life, I am whole. I am happy to say, I am alive in mind, body and spirit and to say the least it’s absolutely amazing. My body has surprisingly regenerated in ways that even the doctors are astounded but I know this to be the workings of God. It’s as if the previous 20 years of hardship has somehow been magically erased. All I know is, Kelly is the beauty to my beast, the water that fills my cup to capacity and the God send that has change the very essence of my soul.
Now when people look at us, I’m sure someone or two (even in the kindness of their heart) still wonder a bit. That is, for those of inquisitive nature still trying to fit the pieces together, please rest assure. Kelly and I have a connection far stronger than physical lust, contentment or denial. Simply put, Its spiritual on every positive level of human understanding. Moreover, as my children touch and pamper the scars, calluses and old wounds etched across my body, I’ve become even more-so filled with thankfulness and joy. Now I can truly feel the sensations of care, love and innocence (with the occasional action figure impressed within the muscles of my back after a rough nights sleep). I can feel the warmth of my wife’s gentle touch, as she pulls me in to cuddle. Not to forget that seemingly immovable crumb, trapped under my bed sheet at night; such are the joys of being physically and mentally awaken from a mindbogglingly-nightmarish life.
Here’s what I’ve learned, life can be so amazingly wonderful and understood, If we’d just open up and listen to the spirit of wisdom. Life can truly be filled with abundance, growth and overjoy. If we’d just/trust and get out of the way of our created insecurities, fears and judgments.
From what I gather, most people really don’t know Kelly and I’s story, but know that it’s a story we all share to some degree. If we’d all just change the perception of our lives and boldly choose love, faith and commitment over doubt. In this we’d easily find ourselves overcoming the storms, annoying crumbs and mind-numbing obstacles scattered within the world.
In conclusion, let us not stress over the missing pieces, seemingly lost from the big picture of our perceived understandings but rather continue on, until God’s picture of our life is complete.
by REGINALD O’NEAL GIBSON
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