Image 8-13-16 at 3.16 PM

Hey how’s it going?
Really, you don’t know who I am?
You can’t remember? I get it life is hard with all its stressors and things.
I’m kind of surprised you don’t remember, I’m that statistic you bypassed at the park, that day when I was contemplating suicide. Remember, they issued a heat advisory?  Stating that the combination of heat and humidity was going to make it feel in upwards of 104 degrees?  I was the guy still standing on the basketball court. I remember because hours later you came rushing back in a panic, only to find your wallet still on the bench where you left it. I remember that inquisitive look you gave me but chose not to utter a word. Probably figured I didn’t see it but truth be told, it actually saved my life. So in fact, it is I who should be thanking you! Understand that, at one of the darkest times in my life, you came along and gave me something different to think about; something noble to protect. This inadvertently ignited a deeply embedded purpose I’d forgotten about. Being I envisioned you’d soon racing back, to find your money filled wallet, right where you left it. I imagined you’d look at me and I’d look back and share that noble chin up men has developed over the years to replace the humble words of thank you. Turns out the look was not so admirable. It was more apprehensive and standoffish as you pulled off, quickly locking your door. In fact it was kind of hilarious being the distance between us, was a least  25 yards! I mean really, the fact that you took the initiative to make sure, that I knew, you were locking the door. Really? You can’t remember that? I get it life is hard and to top it off, it was really hot that day.  Either way if you ever recall or find yourself wondering, here’s what you missed. Seconds later, I passed out on the court from dehydration. I knew I was hurting minutes prior, when the sweat appeared to reverse up my forehead and absorb back into my pores. I’ll never forget that blistering feeling of crisp, painful to the touch glazed across my head. I mean why was I complaining, I’d so called made up my mind to die that day anyway. So here’s what actually happen, I slept. Slowly fading away only to hear the faint beat of my heart slowly drifting into the darkness on that hot, scorching day. I was face down on the court, bugs crawling around the reminiscence of saliva dried up from my mouth; not a good feeling. Hours later, I found my self struggling to get up to my knees. The bitter taste of scorched salt covered my tongue to the point where I couldn’t even swallow; let alone utter praise to God for sparing my life. Feeling completely drained I soon found myself staggering in the direction of the only water faucet at the far end of the court. Only upon reaching that destination of course many minutes away, the faucet didn’t work. All I got was the sounds of air clanking through the rusty pipes calcified with lime. I learned two major things, upon many that day.  First death by dehydration is ignorantly redundant, pathetically selfish and painfully ineffective, not that I’d ever condone such an insecure act. Secondly, black people apparently can get a sunburn, not good! I’m now far more understanding when I slap my lighter skinned buddies on the shoulder after an over exposed day at the beach. Needless to say, I survived that day, only there were so many days just like that one. I’m guessing that’s the life of the depressed, mentally challenged or homeless person that may or may not be contemplating given up, but that’s just my experience. Here’s the not so funny thing, at this point in my life I had a job working with the state, a small culinary business on the side and the choice of one or two women I could’ve shacked up with. Also I had a few thousand dollars in the bank but what does that mean, when your mind isn’t right. I was currently married but moved out months prior, officially making up my mind to file for dissolution of marriage. It was my choice to live cramped in a van, to wash up at work and fall asleep at the Y until closing. My choice as irrational as it turned out to be, was to just give up on the things I couldn’t figure out; only  thing was that wasn’t my created purpose. We, by way of free will can choose to override our blessings and just give in submitting to our fears, but this doesn’t have to be. Know that I was a functional depressant, fake smiling when I clocked in and fake laughing as I left, but hey we all got issues right?  I understand if you don’t remember that day, I mean it was really hot and I get it; life is hard. But It shouldn’t be so hard as to forget to say a kind word for a kind act. I say this because you never know, how important it is to someone, just by showing a little appreciation. So with all this said and done, memory or not I wanted to say; thank you.